Personal Growth

Making assumptions in a relationship is really asking for problems. You think that our partners know what you think and that you don't have to say what you want, because they know us so well. If you don't do what they assume you should do.. you feel hurt and say, You should of known. They tell you, How could you do that? You should of known.
My need to justify everything, to explain and understand everything in order to feel safe and loved. When I believe something I assume I am right about it to the point that I will destroy my relationship in order to defend my position. And this is why I fear letting people to close, I think everyone else will judge me, victimize me, abuse me and blame me as I do myself. So before that person has a chance to reject me I have already rejected myself. I think that is how the human mind works.

I hate justifying love.. it's either there or it's not. Real love to me is accepting that person the way they are without trying to change them. If you try to change them, it means you really don't like them. You can't be happy with a creation.. it's not a true person, it is your dream and dreams at some point fade to create new ones.
You can't make a person change, it has to be their will and they have to change because of you not for you. Just like no matter how hard you wish and want that person your with to be the one you really want to be with , it never works.. it never comes true.

What ever life takes from you, let it go. When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment. Letting go of the past means you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now. We always don't need to know or prove anything. Just to be, to take a risk and enjoy life. So I can say No when I want to say No, and Yes when I want to.
If I do my best in the search for personal growth and freedom, in the search for self love, I think I will discover that it's just a matter of time before I find what and who I am looking for.

Anne, you have fought so many battles with me before I stood on different ground, this time your patience and belief in my chance at love is becoming clearer. Without you I would still be fighting off demons from the past. You never gave up, you never stopped believing. I changed because of you and you know who.