Finding Peace

The sky is unpredictable
filtered through a blanket of clouds
And I can't tell what's on the other side

Though I can see the rain
the drops are almost undetectable
as they brush against my skin like feathers

the silence creates a barrier
only periodically broken by the wind
as it shifts through the leaves

My hands tremble with anticipation
but flow with joy all the while
as I think about you

could this be
what it means
To Find Peace

For the GIRLS

This is for the girls.

For the girls whose favorite color growing up was green,

not PINK.

For the elementary school princess, still dreaming of being royalty.

For the cheerleaders and the song writers,

For the girls who loved fairy tales, who love romantic comedies.

For the girls who won't let you blame their anger on sadness or PMS,

Regardless what time of the month it is.

This is for the runaways,

the girls fainting down the runways.

For the girls who played their Barbie dolls into Doctors and Teachers.

For they were not allowed to be ok with the A's

For the girls who got A's in their math and science classes.

For the spitfires kicking the baseball teams asses.

For the girls who wrote poetry,

who write love letters,

Write Love Me down one arm and I Exist down the other.

For the girls who love sex and aren't afraid to share it with others.

For the girls who dress the best, and girls who flaunt their breast,

For the girls who love football, wrestling and pillow fights.

For the girls who like girls, for the girls who kiss girls,

And the girls who are for all the boys.

For saving face to save themselves gracefully,

falling apart behind closed doors.

This is for the heroines who like themselves,

who hate themselves, who hurt themselves,

but refuse to change themselves for someone else.

For the girls who will never get used to you calling them beautiful,

But will never allow anyone to call them chicks, dimes, honeys, sluts or Ho's.

This is for the high heels, taking dark- alley steps carefully,

listening because they have to.

This is for the girls who's monsters are still out there,

This is for the girls who made damn sure theirs aren't.

This is for the girls who are swallowing more than doubt for dinner,

For the shoulders carrying relentless weights,

for the home makers and home wreckers.

the the heart breakers and the breaking hearts.

This for for the girls who are working harder than their paychecks think.

This is for the man-eaters who refuse to believe, that the meaning of life,

is settling down, settling into, settling for some thing less than they want.

For the femme- fatales

for the fem- nazis,

For the women who are still surviving the holocaust of their domestic violence,

at the hands of their undomesticated ANIMALS.

For all the girls who understand love does not warrant punishment,

and hope for the girls that don't.

For the girls dancing with boys at parties,

for the girls dancing with girls at parties,

for the girls clutching their drinks at parties,

for the girls being raped at parties.

For the girls facing rapist on the witness stand,

For girls black eyed having their man arrested.

For the girls who get out their pens,

write I EXIST down this arm,

and LOVE ME up the other,

and in the middle scribble BEAUTIFUL

For all the girls.

Illusions

Silver, a beauty in nature.
Resides the hidden ambitions.
Darkness, shrouded in silk.
Beauty masking despair.

Though magnificent in your appearance.
Brilliant, and appeasing...
It masks the pain inside.
Enclosing that which lurks...

Upsetting to the modern beliefs.
Outcast thoughts and memories.
However, you can still find relations.

For, I can relate to your thoughts.
Your actions and contemplations.
An outcast in your presence.
Do I deserve to stand before you?

Are we in enough similarities?
To say that we can relate.
Are outcasts strange, even to each other?
Tossed aside, You and I...

Shall we reside in exile?
Together...

An illusion to the world.
But, can I see through your disguise?
Incognito to everyone.
But, am I the lone exception?

I wish you could remove your mask.
To me if no one else.
For, we are the same creatures.
Silver, beautiful, illusions...

Dreams

I met you in a dream once
We walked hand in hand
Along the gentle tide of the sea
As it caressed the soft warm sand

This was your dream
A place where you could be alone
But you welcomed me into your dream
As if it were my own

I heard you sing to me once
When my mind was in pain
Your voice soothed my aching muscles
And made me feel strong again

This was your song
One you could sing alone
But you shared with me the melody
As if it were my own

I saw your room once
Decorated in your own cute way
And showed me all the things you love

This was your home
Where you could be alone
But you welcomed me in
As if it were my own

And although it seems
That this is all a dream
I am glad for it
This joy I have is how a heart should feel

This is my life
For too long I have been alone
But I offer to share it all with you
As if it were your own

Some times I wonder.. what am I?

I look at the stars and feel very small,

just a tiny consciousness.

but if I were tall as a planet,

I would still be short in comparison to the universe.

I see a person twice my size,

and I feel weak and fragile.

but if I were strong and powerful,

I would still not be invincible.

I see a painting by the hand of a genius,

I feel inexperienced and ignorant.

but if I were the greatest artist alive,

it would not make me love what I do any more or less.

I see blood running from a wound of another,

and I feel a fearing chill deep within.

but if I walked this world with bravery,

it would not make things less dangerous.

I see a baby innocent and naive,

and I feel cynical and jaded.

but if I saw through untainted eyes all my life,

it would not make the world a better place.

I see a rain drop, tear of the sky.

and I feel ugly and unsightly.

but if I were as beautiful as rain,

it would not make me crystal clear inside.

There are children with tears.

mother's with bruises,

people worse off than dead.

I wonder if I am just lucky or if the world was cruel.

but even if the world was kind or if I were dying too.

there would still be suffering.

I weep all night, I live in nightmares,

I loose myself thinking of such things.

But even if I could right every wrong

if I could run faster,

or jump higher,

or be stronger,

it would not make me better or happier.

With what I have, I'll do what I can

and like what I do.

Two worlds

Midnight is my time to dance

When the breeze is cool

and the constellations chatter in the moonlight,

Slinking along underneath the blue shadows

veiled across the ground like watercolor ashes

In the dark I 'm feeling chocked up in my own skin

So i peel it away and it slides down to my heels

With a little nudge it drops off into the dew dropped grass

Free of restraints, no longer shackled to myself

I dance in to the blue

Singing with the stars and howling at the moon...

Prepare-- Shock Waves Possible!

My alter ego today is The Survivor.. my super power for revolution lies in my epiphany for change, brought on with the aid of a serious reality check. Today I have reached a turning point. It may all be over but the crying.. But I have the strength to move on a create a better situation for myself. You may say I never saw it coming or learn things the hard way, but with profound change comes a new opportunity, So I will tear down the walls and rebuild new.

She was standing on the edge when the tower fell.

When the last stitch came undone,

and the world fell into darkness.

The deck of cards in her hands,

fanned out into the air.

She closed her eyes against the storm

against the hearts and fell into the void.

She was Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole again.

And with a smile she fell past the screaming Queens and dueling lovers,

A crow cawed twice in vulgar recognition..

And all was calm...

My Secret Place

Everyone should have one.. This is my secret place where only a few know the path way here. I was a bit uneasy when I discovered that the woman I love was given a GPS System so she could re-calculate her way back. I wanted to be able to say all those things inside of my some what eccentric mind.. I am not a shy person, just very secretive. Do I really want a person to know me totally without leaving any thing to mystery?
As days go by the answer is not so much any more, Seriously I wondered what I am waiting for. I am getting older and it's time that once again another knows me unconditionally. It seems so damn long ago that I felt this opening up. I once had a friend who could see straight through me into my soul, she's gone now... waiting... until that day.

I am happy she is visiting now and again, maybe she will understand me better. Maybe she can read words I put on paper that make a whole hell of allot of sense to me if no one else. I write so much, I wouldn't call it poetry.. I think that should be left to the gifted, I write how things feel inside of me, how I react and how I see life.

You just have to close your eyes and open wide your minds eye after you read it and all the things that seem illusions find a way to develop for you, well they do for me. Remember the Madder Hatter and Alice, and you will be on your way ...

Find a Heart that will love you at your worst,
Find Arms that will hold you at your weakest..


Finally I have found out what 'True Love' means, the statement above is my discovery. Not anyone else's version just mine. This subject has taken a pre-occupation mode in my mind, not dwelling for a long time because I am still stronger than it is. It slips in as quietly as it leaves.
I don't feel as left out and almost robbed of this feeling any more. Suddenly today it came to me, that I am a "True Love" to the ones I care about. I will always love them, and my arms will always hold them when they need. A fascinating emotion to fully understand for myself.
I am happy today...

When you went to the fire,
What did you see?
A beautiful woman looking at me.
With fire in her eyes,
And sparks in her hair,
I was delighted to dance with her there.

When you went to the ocean,
What did you see?
A beautiful mother looking at me.
With rain in her eyes,
And foam in her hair,
I was delighted to lie with her there.

When you went to the forest
What did you see?
A beautiful maiden looking at me.
With birds in her eyes,
And wind in her hair,
I was delighted to sing with her there.

When you went to the mountains
What did you see?
A wizened grandmother looking at me.
With stars in her eyes,
The moon in her hair,
I was delighted to live with her there.

*POOF*

Pagan~ that is my spirituality I know that there are love potions, protection potions, love spells, protection spells.. But their are no spells or potion to *POOF* make someone gone in a persons heart. This is what I am faced with right now, the one I love unconditionally and soulfully loves a man. A man who she was with seven years ago and he broke her heart. He is her "true love." I don't know what that is. About 2yrs ago we started talking every night, For the first time in my life of 52 yrs. I fell hard, in love with her. I thought she loved me too, she told me that she did, words I have never heard from another. Only a few months in she wrote me a email about this guy that was her soul mate, I came to a screeching halt within and stored the message away in my mind. I left and went to Mexico I was so heart broken, But I would never let her know that she had the power to break me.

We have had struggles, we have had giant walls we had to climb over just to re-unite many times. So easily she cast me away, never to miss my voice on the phone, never to miss what I believed so much was love between us. I Continued the struggle on my own all the way back to her, with pain in my heart I refused to let her just slip away.

Damn I have tried so many times to conquer that long path into her heart, but something always gets in the way. I talk about fate, I talk about the Universe, I talk about the Goddess. I truly think that the force at times between us comes from them all. She hates that I use the word test because she thinks that is always what I am doing, testing her. It's beyond me, it's my life coming full circle. With her is where I need and want to be.

She told me a few days ago that she wanted him out of her heart, out of her mind and out of her life. She said' I want you to help me, make him go away.." I don't know how, can I really chase his memory away? If I could wouldn't it of happened by now? No one knows how deep this pain is in me, I am second to a man who doesn't want her, I am not a true love or even a love at all I don't think.
How can you go from I love you to I have always been in love with someone else, even when I wanted to think it might be you.

For fucks sake where do I go from here?

Power of the Universe.. Our Goddess

Wow, it's been a while since I have been here. The whole reason for this place was Therapy for myself, the good old fashion healing.. A wise woman once said... At the time, I at least thought she was. Holy crap has life for me again, flipped and did a big full circle! Noting that AGAIN I got stuck midway. I am just now free.
I found an old familiar friend called heartache, didn't miss it as much as it missed me cause it knocked me square on my ass when it seen me again. As if to say Oh how I've missed you!! *shaking head*
I worked hard, risked it all and helped a great amount of women find peace, satisfaction and the personal power of strength. They stand with me now, we are the toughest WOMEN on the mountain. Just try to topple us off and you will see the Amazon Warrior that flows within our veins. Just as Athena, the Greek goddess of wisdom, war, justice and skill.

I suffered 3 great losses in my life, but the one that brought me to my knees was the loss of a amazing friend. She opened my heart, she rescued my soul and during the tragic events of death in my family I lost her. I had to fly far away, away from the pain to regenerate myself. It's not as if I took a plane to a quiet secluded place to regroup. The lonely part of going to the fires to be engulfed.. to be reborn. I can only surrender to this process I have no choice or restraint in the matter.. I am on my way to pure hell and back... alone. I am fire or ice, I am no where in between.
I have slightly managed to reconnect with her, I know she is skeptical of me, shying away from what she thinks is another round of eventual pain and disappointment for her from me. I don't know how to explain to her that I care for her so much it hurts, really it fucking does. Things just seem to happen to me so unexpected that there are times I think the Goddess is laughing at me as she throws me face first into a brick wall, it takes that amount of force for me to realize I am not supposed to be going that direction. She has other intentions for me, jeez.. if I could only remember to walk around the wall the next time, and the next, and the next. I consider myself an intelligent woman, but there are times I really have to stop and wonder about my own self. I have decided to use caution for now on and STOP during moments that are so tramatic or confussing and wait long enough to look up into the sky and see who is looking down..

Fun Scorpio Facts

How A Scorpio Celebrate their birthday



Sexy Scorpio has a secret fantasy:
This Sign would love to be a spy, a movie star or any pursuit in which it could assume new identities. So, on its birthday, this intense and perceptive Water Sign would simply love a late-night masquerade ball. Sensual foods and sexy or paranormal activities satisfy Scorpio's other worldly and worldly desires -- so if you can somehow combine a psychic, a Ouija board and Spin the Bottle, you've got the right idea.
Perfect Gift: Scent-ual Scorpios really appreciate perfumes or colognes.
What does a Scorpio wish for as the candles are blown out? To know everyone's deepest secrets.

Coffee Guide for a Scorpio:
Never prone to self-denial, Scorpio opts for all the sensuality of a breve latte -- one can barely taste the coffee, but isn't subtlety the name of the game?

Each Sign has a unique way of infusing love, understanding and harmony into the world.
Scorpio: Your idealism and passionate belief in transformation and rebirth inspires others to want to work toward these goals as intensely you do.

Kissing by a Scorpio:
Your kisses are surprising, spontaneous affairs that leave the kissed wanting more.

Did you know that your Sun Sign influences how you like your pizza?
Scorpio, You get your pizza with pineapple, anchovies and secret sauce -- and you also manage to get the delivery person's phone number.

Preference of a Scorpio:
Books:As the Sign of Death, Scorpio can not so surprisingly handle the metaphysical and more abstract quite well. Books that fit into the categories of drama, suspense and horror will stimulate your penetrating mind. Anais Nin ranks among your top choice for intensity, and Anton Chekov’s plays will stimulate your curious mind.

Career:Analyst, Bill collector, Biochemist, Censor, Coroner, Criminologist, Debtor, Detective, Distiller, Diver, Doctor, Enforcer, Excavator, Funeral director, Garbage collector, Plumber, Hypnotist, Insurance Agent, Investigator, Lab technician, Miner, Pathologist, Private investigator, Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Researcher, Scientist, Security guard, Surgeon, Tax collector, Undertaker, Union leader, Vocational counselor

Chocolates:Can't resist rubbing them all over their partner and licking it off.

Food:Scorpio is all about intensity. The Scorpion wants food bursting with powerful flavors like basil, cinnamon, curry, garlic and ginger. If possible, the food should be deep red in color. As a Water Sign, though, there's still some element of Scorpio wanting food that reminds them of home.

Movies:The intense Scorpion loves a mystery and a challenge. You probably prefer when the viewer needs to figure out for themselves what's going on in the movie. You’re likely to check out The Blair Witch Project, Eyes Wide Shut, The Shining, The game American Beauty or A Clockwork Orange.

Music:Intense and with a sting, the Scorpion wants music they can dive into. For name alone, you should try Electronic Trance, by artists like Ghost in the Machine and trance control. For more mainstream Scorpios there are the danceable sounds of Massive Attack, Moby, Orbital and the Chemical Brothers. In the P.M., pop in some contemporary R&B for a good time.

Restaurants:The tenacious Scorpio prefers to keep a routine and not be bothered with big meals, which might take them off course and off their itinerary. Your strong constitution will enable you to try a wide variety of dishes.

Sports:The cunning and resilient Scorpio enjoys sports that test their mettle and require strategy and endurance. Investigate extreme sports, marathon running or chess.

Travel:Angola, Antigua, Costa Rica, Monaco, Spain, Turkey, Washington, D.C.

Television:Always ready to solve a mystery, the Scorpion becomes entranced by the slowly unraveling narrative of the X-Files. On other days, they might tune in to see the adventures of Sherlock Holmes and try to out think the great detective before each episode's end.

A Scorpio on "Survivor"

In it for: The chance to use cunning and intelligence to succeed
Luxury item Scorpio takes along: A portable CD player and some sexy, trancey music for escaping the wilderness
Scorpio isn't going to let anyone in on its strategy, and all should be advised against indulging a confidence to this wily genius. Though they're certainly able to keep the secret, you can't be sure they won't use it to their advantage!

And for the 4th of July fireworks by Scorpio:
Scopes out the crowd, finds someone they find alluring and then leads them away to set off some fireworks of their own! Just don't be gone too long or folks will start to wonder just what it is you're doing!


Look up your Astrology fun http://horoscopes.astrology.com/astronet/fun/

Theraphy

Waterfalls:

Don't go chasing them...

Artemis.. Goddess Diana

The Greek goddess Artemis, the Roman Goddess Diana. She is always responsive to the needs of the vulnerable and the suffering. She was quick to defend the powerless from unjust treatment at the hands of the Olympian patriarchy, that is why Artemis is seen as the feminist goddess. She is your beacon of freedom.. freedom from the mechanized work environment and the patriarchal organizations that we as women find ourselves some how committed to daily. It is easy for me to imagine her warm, soft yet immensely strong body poised with her long bow *two thirds the length of her own body* that she holds without effort. She is the Goddess of wild places, not of pavements, streetlights and noisy intersections but of grassy fields, woods, and streams.

I knew from the time that I was a tiny child, probably before I could even speak, that nature was more than the physical manifestation of trees, grass and animals that it encompassed..well ... EVERYTHING! Her earthy spiritual place is where she gets all of her strength, her endurance and her power...her great compassion and love. The earth is always there to rejuvenate her in times of suffering and defeat.

Artemis is talked about in several stories as the protective and maternal mother of wild bear cubs. Her willingness to mother an animal shows her understanding and her loving connection to all living things. Sometimes she is shown as turning herself into the mother bear. In native cultures and in ancient stories bears are shown as excellent mothers. A she bear will fight to the death to protect her children. She is a powerful mother with a fierce protectiveness towards her children that cannot be overlooked or undone. Her voice is nurtured by the wind, by nature, Her voice to me is confident, strong and compassionate because she is aware of the great connection of all things. But still she has the voice of compassion because she knows the sorrows, the motovations and disappointment of others.. she can put herself in the skin of a human or an animal to experience the entire connection between pain and suffering. She can stand by your side and protect you when you feel there is no ending to your sorrow. She will lift you up and take you away if you believe in her strength.

I have just recently found her as my guide and protector in life.. really I think she found me. I have read all I can on her and now have a small picture of her in my purse and beside my bed. I have found the strength I needed...

I feel allot of sorrow since yesterday afternoon, the death of this great Icon seems so surreal to me. I am only a year older than he was, I grew up listening to him sing.. but the greatest gift he gave me was the gift of dance. Many hours I spent watching him dance over and over trying to copy what he did with such passion. I started dancing when I was 5. I was constantly scolded for practicing his dance technique instead of what I was supposed to be rehearsing. My ballet teacher would tell me to stop trying to show the other girls such provocative style of what I thought was really dancing.
I learned the moon walk on my mom's new kitchen floor, If anyone is a dancer they have in some way studied his style of dance. From his moon walk, crotch grab, to his white glove and hat he will remain a Icon to the world. There will never be another Micheal Jackson..

I danced today in front of the TV like before while watching the tribute of his life. Again I had an audience but they cheered me on, like me they watched a legend grow up and become the most talented dancer in the world. May you rest in peace...

Christian Domestic Discipline

A Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) marriage is simply a traditional, male-led, Christian marriage which utilises aspects of Domestic Discipline. It is set up according to Biblical standards.
The husband is the authority of the household. The wife is submissive to her husband as if the Lord Himself was her husband. The wife is to reverence her husband. She is to obey him, so long as his instructions are not in opposition to God's commands. He has the authority to spank his wife for disciplinary reasons such as the "Four D's" (Disobedience, Disrespect, Dishonesty, or Dangerous [as in dangerous choices... reckless driving, disobeying doctor's orders,)

This style of traditional male-led Christian marriage may seem unusual in today's "modern", liberal, politically correct, anti-God culture. This unholy culture, with its radically selfish feminism, and wholesale bias against true manhood, launches relentless attacks against traditional Christian family values. (Keep in mind, this is also the culture with well over 50% divorce rates, both in the church and in the secular world. Most rational people would agree the "modern" way doesn't work so well!)
And it rambles on about what GOD Defines as evil, alternate lifestyles.. homosexuality. I am safe from this God, he always appears to me as a cruel kind of God who does bad things to you or the ones you love if you don't see eye to eye on how you should live YOUR LIFE. I am not much on being told what I can and can't do with my own body, how I should act or speak,or where I should spend my Sundays.

Back to the CCD, it offers web pages for the Man of Discipline, The Bigger picture,Commanding Tone, Maintenance Discipline, Warm up, and One size may not fit all.. But,
And For the Women..the beautiful faith of fearless submission, My first time, (No.. not sex your first spanking). And a special page that says: DD is not DV.

I am going to rain on their parade! Any time a woman is in a submissive position and the threat of being spanked for other then her sexual pleasure is : Say it together DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! It appears this web page has been attacked several times before by us Liberated women or as they like to call it Feminist who have wanted to open their eyes to the fact that Women should not be Punished by a man, for any reason what so ever especially by hitting her

And if your GOD says it's alright there is something seriously wrong there also. As an Advocate for DV I hear all the reasons beatings happen, it boils down to the same thing.. men are abusive. period. I don't care if she didn't clean the house, you probably didn't mow the damn yard or clean out the garage. I don't care if the kids are crying and it got on your nerves, should of worn a condom, I don't care if your day at work sucked, she isn't your boss and she didn't ruin your day, don't go home and take it out on her.

DENIAL
ANGER
BARGAINING
DEPRESSION
ACCEPTANCE

these are the five steps you go through when you experience death.. The death of a loved one, the death or end of a relationship, and the death or end of being a human being.. I see all these stages when dealing with repeat Domestic Violence Victims. They deny the fact they are abused, they get mad and swear it won't ever happen again, They plead for the abuser to stop that they will do better, They become depressed and loose their free will, Finally they Accept that it will never change and there is no way out.

And for a Religion to make this kind of behavior an Acceptance is way out of line.

Silence of the night

Red lights break the silence, fighting for air as if this was my last breath. I pause trying to create enough courage to exit the car before walking up a broken sidewalk that leads into a world of broken dreams. These faces are new to me eyeing my badge but inside the story remains the same. I try to walk past him, but my steps are slowed.. my anxiety high, my anger rises. Pausing I wait... I want his reaction, glaring eyes try to penetrate my thoughts, to overwhelm me with fear. I can't be afraid, I have lived this all before.
She has become a shadow, limp lying next to the wall. Bending down I touch her arm and she whimpers expecting another blow. softly I say her name and tell her I am here to protect her. Knowing deep inside of me, the predator has taken control. I try to brush her hair back to see her battered face, clumped with blood her golden hair clings to my shaking fingers. And I begin to cry, before me letters are cut deep into her skin, the predator claimed his victim the word slut carved across her check. Her eyes are sealed closed from his fist, her mouth cut and swollen I hear his pleading, calling her name.. I am sorry I lost my temper tell them to set me free, I love you and didn't mean it.. Please tell them to go away.



I have done this for to long I thought before, A first responder in a Domestic Violence Call. I keep going back, tonight was my first call in a new town. Even though the people are different the results are still the same, a woman is scared and hurting.

Personal Growth

Making assumptions in a relationship is really asking for problems. You think that our partners know what you think and that you don't have to say what you want, because they know us so well. If you don't do what they assume you should do.. you feel hurt and say, You should of known. They tell you, How could you do that? You should of known.
My need to justify everything, to explain and understand everything in order to feel safe and loved. When I believe something I assume I am right about it to the point that I will destroy my relationship in order to defend my position. And this is why I fear letting people to close, I think everyone else will judge me, victimize me, abuse me and blame me as I do myself. So before that person has a chance to reject me I have already rejected myself. I think that is how the human mind works.

I hate justifying love.. it's either there or it's not. Real love to me is accepting that person the way they are without trying to change them. If you try to change them, it means you really don't like them. You can't be happy with a creation.. it's not a true person, it is your dream and dreams at some point fade to create new ones.
You can't make a person change, it has to be their will and they have to change because of you not for you. Just like no matter how hard you wish and want that person your with to be the one you really want to be with , it never works.. it never comes true.

What ever life takes from you, let it go. When you surrender and let go of the past, you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment. Letting go of the past means you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now. We always don't need to know or prove anything. Just to be, to take a risk and enjoy life. So I can say No when I want to say No, and Yes when I want to.
If I do my best in the search for personal growth and freedom, in the search for self love, I think I will discover that it's just a matter of time before I find what and who I am looking for.

Anne, you have fought so many battles with me before I stood on different ground, this time your patience and belief in my chance at love is becoming clearer. Without you I would still be fighting off demons from the past. You never gave up, you never stopped believing. I changed because of you and you know who.

My thoughts about Quiver

I believe that WOMEN are the most powerful human on this earth. We give life.. What bothers me most about this book and it's followers is that for to damn long Women have been told who they can be, how they should act and what they should look like. This makes me feel like I am dying from a thousand paper cuts.

I have never been so out of control that I felt that I had to look a certain way, It is sad to me about all the starving people in the world. But it is so much more sad to me to see all the starving women and young girls that think they have to look like those in a magazine or on TV to be wanted and loved. This follows along with the opinions of this book and Kathryn Joyce, the Women are controlled and not excepted as human beings.
This is anti-feminism and another, startling motivation for large Christian families as well as the Quiverfull followers that by having very large families, and teaching their children to do the same, they could win the culture wars through numbers alone. Many women are subjecting themselves to an often punishing lifestyle, I am concerned about what seems as a growing backlash against women’s rights within religious communities.
Far to long have Women made self sacrifices for others. To be ruled and controlled by a husband or any other man is not what love is about. I worked with Domestic Violence for a big part of my life and I see the damage that control does to a woman. To have no self esteem or to not have the knowledge to function with out someone making commands at you is not only a disgrace but a outrage to think that a woman has no rights to do as she wills.

Slavery was abolished in this country many years ago and thoughts that it is regaining strength through this Christan belief makes me ill. TO subject women to no birth control and want countless children to reproduce the same quality of life is a CULT.

I see a bracelet in my mind that sells at many stores the initials are WWJD, I stop and ponder that question and the answer that comes to mind is set them all on fire and send them to hell for taking upon yourselves to think that you know for sure what YOUR GOD would do.
Since I don't believe in your hell I find myself set free.

"GOD" Has a Divine Plan for your Vaginas

I can think of a few things that make me "Quiver" but this isn't one of them. The book Quiverfull by Kathryn Joyce. It argues that God, as the "Great Physician" and sole "Birth Controller," opens and closes the womb on a case-by-case basis. Women's attempts to control their own bodies--the Lord's temple--are a seizure of divine power. So he seeks out who he wants to have children and who he doesn't.

Priorities [for Christian women] may include rising early to feed the family, being available anytime to satisfy a husband’s desires (barring a few “ungodly” or “homosexual” acts), seeking his approval regarding work, appearance, and leisure, and accepting that he has the “burden” of final say in arguments. After a wife has respectfully appealed her spouse’s decision — a privilege she should not abuse — she must accept his final answer as “God’s will for her at that time”… The godly wife must also suppress selfish desires (for romance, a career, an equitable marriage), practice addressing her spouse in soothing tones, and maintain a private log of bitter thoughts to guide her repentance. “If you disobey your husband, you are indirectly shaking your fist at God.”

Essentially, a Quiverfull woman breeds and keeps breeding, knocking out babies until her uterus gives out or menopause kicks in. It also refers to the notion that women should “receive children eagerly as blessings from God, eschewing all forms of birth control, including natural family planning and sterilization.” I read an interview with Kathryn Joyce and found that she lacks in any ability to think or act on her own. As a Domestic Violence Advocate this makes me wonder if the "laws" of this patriarchy allow correcting and punishment as seen fit by the husband. In other words.. Do You Beat Your Wives? I shake my head reading between the lines and believe the answer is there for any feminist to see when they comment about how their daughters are allowed to date.

" The best way of making sure that the daughter marries a man suitably in tune with the father’s ideology. For men concerned with keeping the movement going in the next generation, it’s important to make sure they marry their daughter to a man who will be similarly faithful to patriarchy and Quiverfull convictions.

Personally I believe you should be able to live your life as you want.. as long as it doesn't harm anyone. Stopping dead in my thoughts I feel this ideology should have more convictions, starting with a woman's right to do with her body as SHE sees fit. And that goes for all women including those who marry. Along with others I have spoken to and read comments from find it sexist, misogynistic, and misguided.

I am quite sure they wouldn't approve of me being a lesbian and would make crosses at my page, it's also a good possibility bibles would be thrown at computer screens when they listened to me become "Bilingual"

Toltec Wisdom

I have talked about the need to escape to be transformed for reasons not always apparent to others at times not even to myself. But the deep desire to escape, to run away some would say haunts me until I feel I will have no peace unless I find what is calling me in the depths of my soul. The latest and most grueling adventure took me to a place unseen by others except a few special people. A cabin high upon a mountain away from any comforts of what others call home. I thrive in this environment, Mother Nature embraces me.. restores my sanity when I walk among the trees listening to their words of wisdom. This time I discovered a new form of understanding. Lessons that can only be learned by those who open their souls and minds to the Elders from long ago. The wise trees that teach me impact my life in a way that completes all that I need except for human love.
In pre-Hispanic cultures, the central world tree is known as a Ceiba trunk, which connects the planes of the Underworld, the 13 skies, and the terrestrial realm. Thousands of years ago, the Tolec which I evolved from were known through out southern Mexico as women and men of knowledge. I stand before Nature as this woman, to explore and reflect the spiritual knowledge and practices of the ancient ones.
Learning from the Women Naguals the masters or Crones of this world of new spirituality for me.
The Naguals like Pagans were forced to hide the ancestral wisdom and maintain it in complete obscurity. They shield the knowledge from those who are not prepared to use it wisely or use it for personal gain. Like Pagans this esoteric knowledge was embodied and passed on through generations. I was called from a great ancestor to seek out this knowledge, the distant calling that tormented the deepest parts of my being.

I realized at this point I was made of light, I am made of stars. Everything is a mirror that reflects light and creates images of that light and the world of illusion the dream is just smoke which doesn't allow us to see who we really are. The real light is pure love, pure light.

I looked around at nature and was amazed that I saw myself in everything, in every animal, in every tree, in the water, in the rain, in the clouds and in the earth. My heart began to fill with peace. I no longer had judgment about anything or anyone, I was no longer like anyone else.

Mi Corazón

It's time... for any of you that may happen onto this page to let you know exactly what this is all about. It's for me.. Selfish? maybe but if you know anything about Scorpios you know we live in a world all our own. Not by any one else's rules except what rules each one of us. A big society of mysterious, dark and secret people.
I am about to let many of mine out. No one knows me and it's almost intriguing to say the least and in fact quite stimulating for me to be capable to remain mysterious while welcoming you to a world full of energy, emotions, fantasies and sensuality you will ever experience.

If you have a comment leave it I can't guarantee I won't hurt your feelings, make you cry or may cause you to have a deep desire to wait for the next random posting. I can guarantee you are in for the wildest ride of your life. You can either hang on for dear life or let go from exhaustion choice is yours.. As i said this is my release, my thoughts and no matter how random they may be.. they exist.


I have sought out "Love" all my life. Never knew what it was until one day I met a woman online that took all control of this Scorpio and held me in her hand. I did gently sting her a time or two just to awaken her senses, of course she pulled back like any human would from the slight uncomfort. But, she returned and offered the warmth of her hand around me again. This time she controlled me like she had no fear, and I re-coiled my poison away experiencing something new and luring to me. Damn it! I allowed her to take all control. Now she is gone and I am one upset Scorpion.

I loved the way she knew me and the things about me that nobody else knows. The way she could tell when I was upset even though I would say nothing.
The way she made me laugh when I felt like I was loosing my mind. The way she kept my secrets safe and my dreams alive. I loved the way it felt to be known and loved and excepted by her just as I am. The saddest part of all of this love was She didn't know when to let me go or to pull me close.
The darkness of a Scorpio is the need to self-desruct when the time comes. To be re-born new and better. To see life more amazing, to become more complete. Nothing personal, but we fly away with our pain and hurt.
I felt like I was becoming exactly what I needed to be in life finally, but she couldn't hold on and she couldn't see the beauty that laid before us on my final journey to her.

The sun rises high in the summer sky,
And lights our way even into the night
Today the sun casts three rays
The light of fire upon the land, the sea, and the heavens...

Midsummer is approaching, i feel it all around me...

I thought the earth remembered me, she took me back so tenderly, arranging her dark skirts, her pocketsfull of lichens and seeds. I slept as never before, a stone on the river bed, nothing between me and the white fire of the starsbut my thoughts, and they floated light as moths among the branches of the perfect trees. All night I heard the small kingdoms breathing around me, the insects, and the birds who do their work in the darkness. All night I rose and fell, as if in water, grappling with a luminous doom. By morning I had vanished at least a dozen times into something better.

Fire Bird

The Phoenix fed only on air, harming no other creature. It lived a solitary life in a far-away land, coming to human-inhabited land only when it was ready to die.

Beautiful, glorious, and sacrificing self for renewal, you build a pyre and set yourself ablaze. For the sake of self. Red bird of fire you come forth through your ashes a new bird shedding the old self which no longer is needed. You embrace your new strength and fly to the heights of the sky to the city of the sun and give the ashes unto the alter of the sun god for your immortality. Embrace yourself for you are a child of the sun and will live eternal through birth, death and renewal. The spirit of you never dies, An extremely gentle creature, you weep tears of incense, while your blood is pleasantly fragrant from the flowers found only high in the branches of the trees. Because of hurt and pain you build your nest of sticks of cinnamon and you great bird face the rising Sun and sing in a beautiful voice. As the heat of the Sun ignites the fragrant spices, and the Phoenix dies in its own funeral of fire.

Rising from the flames you know secrets of life and reincarnation to repeat it all again.

Profiling myself

As a Scorpio I find that the best description of me is that I symbolize death, rebirth, sex, evolution, degeneration and regeneration. What is buried deep inside of me needs to be brought to the light, or to have light brought to it. The three esoteric levels of manifestation are the Scorpion, the Phoenix and the Dove, representing strength of will, the power of transcendence, and transformation through self-knowledge and redemption. Softness in a world of sharp objects is confusion to the mind all the while tempting the depths of me.. The spirit concealed within my personality’s shadow can be released to shine.. Release these unconscious, repressed energies that are trapped. Bring them to consciousness only if you dare.